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.  i
[The and Weekly?

Published every Silvio-day morning at Mm o’clock.

NEW YORK, JANUARY 14, 1888.

 

THE BANNER WEEKLY is sold by all Newsdealers
in the United States and in the Canadian Dominion.
Parties unable to obtain it from a Newsdealer, or
those preferring to naVe the paper sent direct, by
mail, from the publication ofi‘ice,are supplied at the
following rates:

Terms to Subscribers, Postage Prepaid:

One copy, four months . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .31 00
‘ “ one year . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 3.00
Two copies, one year...  5.00

In all orders for subscriptions be careful to give
address in full, State. County and Town. I The aper
is always stopped, promptly at expiration 0 sub—
scription. Subscriptions can start With any late
number. _

TAKE NOTICE. In sending money for subscription
remit bv Am. Express Money Order, Draft, . 0.
Order, Or Registered Letter, these being the best
forms of remittance. Losses will almost surely be
avoidedi ‘these directions are followed.

Foreign subs criptions may be sent to our Euro an
agentsthe INTERNATIONAL NEws COMPANY, 11 on-
verie street (Fleet street), London. England.

WA“ communications, subscriptions, and let—
ters on business should be addressed to

BEADLE AND ADAMS, PUBLISHERS,
98 WILLIAM ST.. NEw YORK

 

@The stories appearing in THE BANNER
IVEEKLY can not be had in Libraryform.

 

WNew readers will please notify their news-
dealer 0 f their purpose to take THE BANNER
WEEK L Y regularly, so as to be sure of secur-
ing it. Back numbers always on hand.

 

The Next Serial !

A Powerful and Impressive Work.
By Dr. Noel Dunbar.

In which the author of “ The Tramp Shadower,’
“ Duke Despard,” “ The Pointing Finger,” etc.,
etc., presents a strange train of circumstances
that lead up to a remarkably strong climax. It
is at once a story of

The Border and Port Life,
Home and Society in Virginia,

 

Hates and Panda and Revonges,

So combines many features Of commanding in-
terest. Like all of Dr. Dunbar’s romances, it is
skillfully plotted and effectively treated, and
will be re Id with delight by all lovers of a true
American fiction.

 

Happy-Go-lidty-Papers.

A Woman's Letter.

DEAR BANNER :—

It takes a woman to indite a real, genuine,
home-like. Interesting letter, and even if she
does get things a trifle mixed while endeavoring
to write with one hand and attend to her house-
hold duties with the other it only makes the let-
ter more natural and consequently more woman-
like.

Here I am. away from home. mixed up with
a lot of people I don‘t know in the big city, and
it sends a joyous thrill of old—time Hemlock
Hills melody through my heart-strings when-
ever I receive a letter like the followrng from
Mrs. Nufi:

“DEAR OLD NOAH:——

“It has been so lonesome here tO—day that I
don‘t know what I suould have done if I had
had time to think of it, but I have been so busy
chasing things around and doing the house-
work and taking care of the children that I
never had a chance to think Of how lonesome it
was really till I sat down to write. The chil-
dren have all gone to bed except little Noah
and Mabel and Genevieve, and they would be
there, too, but I couldn’t get them to go because
they wanted to stay up and help me write this
letter to apa. Little Noah is just as mis-
chievous as ever, and until I got ac uainted
with you I used to wonder who he too after,
but as he comes by it honestly I don’t suppose he
can help it, and we oughtn’t to blame him for
it, had we? But he does make an awful racket
for such a little fellow, and I sometimes feel as
if I could fly, but I suppose all boys are that
way, and I hope if we ever have another it will
be a girl as everybody says girls are so much
less trouble and they are not so apt to run away
and go to sea or chew tobacco when they grow
up. Oh. dear! I don’t know what I should do
if our darling little Noah should take to tobacco
or the sea, I don’t mean before you come back,
but in a few years more when he begins to
wear pants. It would be dreadful, wouldn’t it?
I often think of it and wonder what I ever
would do if he should turn out that way, and
while I think of it I guess you had better bring
him a pair of copper—toed shoes when you come
home as his old ones are about worn out.
The baby—-bless her cunning little toes! ——
has out another tooth, and the old cow broke
into the garden last night and ate up all the late
cabbage. It is the Cunningest wee little tooth you
ever saw; I think it was real mean of her as
there were over a dozen of them and they were
all nice cabbages, too, but you ought to have
brought the n in before you went away and
then she couldn’t have eaten them up. Mr.
J ones’s hired man cameoverand borrowed your
spade and w :eel-barrow yesterday, and while
you are there I wish you would step into Macy's
and get a couple of worsted sacques for the
baby so she won't freeze to death this winter.
He didn’t say what he wanted of the wheel-bar-
row; I think you ought to get very nice ones for
fifty cents up ece—sacques, I mean—and I’d like
seven or eight yardsof flannel dressgoodssmall
check, either red or blue with an old‘gold stripe,
about sixty cents a yard, and a patent washing-
machine alsoa plain gold ring; you know you
promised me one last Christmas but didn’t get
it, so I hope you won’t forget it this time. I
would rather have the ring than a silk dress
even, but you can get both if you want to and
about nine yards of blue silk ribbon, the nicest
you can find. an inch and a-half wide, and While I
think of it the speckled pullet has commenced
laying again, she laid an egg every day this
week, also a dozen yards of (Ittchcsse lace and a
patent hair—crimpcr. Have them all done up in
one package so you won’t lose them on the way
home, and you may get me a fancy cut-glass
bottle of cologne at one of the big drug—stores,
a man is usually so careless about such things,
don’t pay Over a dollar for it , you remember the
time you lost the bandbox with my new hat in
it When you Wcl'e bringing it home, but be sure
to get cut-glass. anyhOW, I don’t want one of
tlicse cheap cologne—bottles with a tomato—can
libel on it. The weather has been clear and
pleas-int hero most of the time since you went
away. exc pt a few days when it snowed or

 

 

rained all da , which has happened quite often
lately, thOng I suppose we ought not to com-
plain as we have got to take the bitter With the
sweet, and I don’t suppose It would do any good
if we did. Have you called on Mrs. Boggles yet?
When you do,give her my love and see If she has
got through with my autogra ph-ulhum yet,
and tell her I would like to have her send me
her recipe for sweet cucumber )ickles. Iwant
it, 1 mean the album, to show ncle Noah the
Verses written in the back part of it, and I
think it is about time she sent it home, anyway,
as she has had it over six ir onths. though ldon’t
want you to say anything to her about keeping
it. The sweet pickles are so nice I think to put
on the table when we have company, but that is
just the way with some women, they throw .a
thing aside and never think of it again till their
attention is called to it, but If I had any one’s
autograph album I’d write in it at once and
have done With it. Be sure and give my low
to Mrs. Boggles, if you tie a sfring around your
finger that will help you remember-It {1150 the
pickle recipe. The pig wouldn’t come intothe
pen the other day when it rained. and the hired
man had to take him by the hind leg and induce
him to come. They fell down in the hind two
or three times, and the children and the pig _en-
joyed it very much, though I don’t‘suppose it Is
fair to laugh at other people’s mishaps. The
hired man didn’t say much at the time, but I
heard him talking pretty loud to himself a few
moments afterward down behind the barn, and
I suppose his feelings wcreconsiderablyinjured,
not to mention his clothes. The spotted calf Is
frisky as ever, it comes up to the back door
overv day after the cold pancakes left from
breakfast, and whenever I s-‘e it coming it re—
minds me of you, and I think how different
things are when you are away, we never had
any cold pancakes left when you were home,
and I do so long to see you once more and tell
you how I have missed you and all the things I
can’t write, but be sure to bring the hair
crimper, you can’t get one out here for love or
money, and the lace I want real bad, so don’t
forget it, I’ve got two new ones and they won’t
look good without lace on, also the rest of the
things be sure to get them all, you can try the
ring on your little finger that 18 just my size,
anu if vou don’t get a nice one I sha’n’t speak to
you for a whole week after you get home, so
there! The children all send love and the size
of their feet Which I inclose on a separate slip
of paper to get new shoes for each of them, you
can get them cheaper and more stylish there. I
also send love and my size is No.  Please write
often and don’t injure your health by going out
in the night air, and come home just as soon as
you can get away, as the children all want to
see you real bad, and so do 1. I guess that’s all
this time, and 1 will now close-Ever yours,
“ SERAPHENIA.”

“ P. S. The children bothered me so I didn’t
get this letter just as I intended to I see by read-
ing it over, but I guess you’ll understands it.

“ P. S. No. 2.
thing.

There it is, every syllable, comma and exclam-
ation point of it just as she wrote it. And I’m
proud of It,and of the woman who penned it. too.
She’s a trump. queen of hearts at that, and I
wish I had a dozen wives just like her—steady,
there, old felIOW, or you’ll get things consider-
ably worse mixed up than Mrs. N. didl Whatl
meant to so was, I wish I could get a dozen
letters like at a week, then I could stand it
awhile longer in the city. As it is I feel mighty
lonesome sometimes. poxing around among the
crowd and meeting no one that seems to knew
me, except Appetite Joe and a few other suspi-
ciously friendly individuals of that class.

NOAH N UFF.

Two Episodes in Jenkins’s life.

BY “'ILL S. GIDLEY.

Jenkins at the Club.

“ YES, gentlemen, let any one dispute it who
can, I assert and maintain that man is woman’s
superior. He Is in short a superior being, bold,
self-reliant and commanding, born to rule over
woman and keep her in her appointed place.
Woman was made to obey; she is a weak, clin -
ing, helpless creature, and it is her placeto loo
up to and respect man as her lord and master.

“ When she attempts to stray from her sphere
she must be put down by man’s determined will
and stem arm at once. It will not do to allow
her to assert, or even attempt to assert, her
equality with man. Woman’s rights? Humbug!
She has none, except the right to do as her hus-
band tells her. Don’t talk to me about woman’s
rights. I don’t believe in any of your petticoat
government. No. sir, I believe in keeping woman
in her place, and that place is at home, doing
the work and waiting on her husband.

“ In conclusion, gentlemen, allow me to give
a toast:

“ Here’s to man, the lord of creation, and to
woman, born to obey him.”

And Jenkins sits down amid cheers and up-
roar-ions applause.

Be sure and don’t forgetqaéy—

 

Two HOURS LATER; JENKINS AT HOME.

MRS. J ENKINs—“ Got home at last, have
you?”

J ENKINs—“ Yes, 1—”

MRS. J.-——“ Oh, you needn’t begin any of your
fish stories. I know all about it. You’ve been
down at the Half-Baked Saphead Club, or what—
ever you call it, making a fool of yourself again.
Couldn’t possibly get away before midnight if
you tried, could you 3”

J ENKINs—‘ ‘ But—”

MRS. J.—-“ None of your buts! You just
hustle around and bring up a scuttle of c ,
and split some kindling wood so it will he ran y
for morning. D’yethink I’m going to break
my back lugging up wood and coal from the cel-
lar when you’re out having a good time with a
lot of other ninnies at the club? Well, I guess
not, John Henry Jenkins! That isn’t what I
married you for, exactly.”

J ENKINs—“ My dear—” -

MRS. J .—“Don’t you dear me after stayin
out till after midnight. I won’t have it. All
want of you is to keep your mouth shut and do
as you are told, and I don’t want you to be the
rest of the night about it, either. I’m going to
bed some time before morning, but not until you
fetch that coal up.”

JENKINs—“ But—-"

MRS. J .—“ There you go, again! Now are
you going to bring up that kindling-wood and
scuttle of coal or ain’t you? That’s all I want
to know. If you are, you’d better travel for
them in a hurry or you’ll hear from me in a
way you’ll understand ” (picking up a chair
and advancing threatenineg toward her lord
and master).

JENKINS (hastily)—-“ Y-yes, Oh, yes, I’m going
r’ght off 1”

And the ferocious and lordly Jenkins grabs up
the coal-scuttle, and scoots down-stairs with it
on a dead run. and presently comes plodding
back a ain with the meek and resigned air of a
Centra Park donkey—and also with the coal
and kindling—wood.

Alas. poor Jenkins!

The next time Mrs. J. lets him go to the club,
he can improve his favorite toast and render it
more realistic and truthful by substituting the
following revised version:

“ Here’s to Woman ” (big W, please, Mr. Com—
positor), "the boss of creation. and to man ”
(small III will do this time), “ born to be ruled
by her. Long may she reign!”

h
KING HUMBERT of Italy is reported to have

said in a recent conversation that the best mon- }

archy is the one in which the king is felt every—

where without being observed. “ And the best

republic?” he was asked. “ It is that one,” was

the reply, “where, as in America, the genius of

the people has so deeply penetrated every fiber

Elf sogial fabric, that no place remains for a
rug.

 

Notes and Notices.

 

NEWS of the recent Beach-Hanlrm boat-race
,at Sydney, New South Wales, reached this
country by overland telegraph to North Austra-
lia, by cable to Java and Sumatra and to Ma-
dras, India, thence to Aden. Africa. and up the
Red Sea to Suez, across the Mediterranean to
'1 rieste, across Europe to London, and thence.
by Atlantic cable. Few persons realize that
Shakespeare’s seemingly Impossible Ariel is
now a fact-the earth is literally irdlcd with
his invisible wand. Next we shal have tele-
phones to talk under the seas,and a person in
Europe, Asia and Africa may actually converse
with the dear ones at home. Time and distance
are practically annihilated; but for all that,
good reading is t-ssential to every well-regulated
housebold,and when a paper like the BANNER
WIEKLY is offered for three dollars per year, or
one dollar for four months. there is no excuse
for any household being without the very best
of entertaining reading. Our promise for the
year at hand is a brilliant one—a succession of
splendid s»r1als and romances from the best
popular writers in America—and we can safely

demands of a true American literature.

THE new Texas position for shooting at 300
yards is thus described: “The rifleman is sup-
posed to be right handed. He sits down facing
nearly to the right of the direction in which he
wishes to shoot, his feet are clOSe to his bodv,
and. holding the grip of his rifle with hIs right
hand, he embraces his knees with his arms, so
that each knee is just inside each elbow, rests
the ride over the left elbow , the left hand grasp
ing the right arm or coat-sleeve between the
wrist and elbow; presses the butt of the rifle to
the shoulder, if possible, bends forward his
head so as to take aim and fires.” The old
Texas position for shooting at any number of
yards, we may remark, has not been abrogated.
Men can yet“ get the dro ” on the other“ cuss ”
just as usual, and th0se w 0 enjoy such fun can
yet go to Texas, sure to find what they went
after.

A CORRESPONDENT asks us why we don’t get
out an annual DIME ALMANAC? What’s the
use? lVe can’t regulate the seasons nor loose
the bands of Orion. We can’t suppress De Voe
and Vedder. We can’t run amuck with that
Signal Service shoulder straps on the top of the
Equitable building. We haven’t the heart to
injure the Tribune Almanac and the patent—
nzedlcinc annuals. We prefer to enjoy other
men‘s efforts to fix dates. and festivals, and
chronology, and the tidcs. and the moon’s phases.
and the eclipses so that when the laugh comes In
for the mistakes they make we may be on the
laughing side of the fence. No, we really can’t
add a DIME ALMANAC to our already big list of
dollar books for a dune.

 

Personnlitie.

MR. AND MRS. BATES of South Hanover, N.
H., are 92 years old. hey were born in the
same town, on the same day, at the same hour.
and, as the old gentleman says, “ were married
at the same titre.” '

THE proper thing in neck-wear among the
swells of San Antonio, Tex., is a scarf made of
rattlesnake skin, with a pin ~t-0nip0sed of the
snake’s rattles. The skins are prepared by a.
Texan, who has a snake—ranch near the city.

'I'HE latest fad for bridemaids is to have them
enter the church and attend the bride, carrying
shoes filled With flowers. At Sir Robert Peel’s
daughter’s wedding the shoes were of pink satin,
filled with pink roses and hung from the arm by
pink ribbons.

IN order to try the extent to which a tragic
actress is moved by the whirl of stage ion,
Sarah Bernhardt’s pulse was once test at the
wings Immediately after a scene of great in-
tensity. It ticked as regularly and normally as
an eight-day clock.

Miss Monnie Moore is an ambitious oung
poet who desires to be known as the Ella heel-
er Wilcox of Kansas. But there are some unim-
aginative people in Kansas who dispute her
claim to this title because she makes " Arith-
metic” rhyme with “ Kiss me quick.”

A BAPTIST preacher—an old citizen living in
the second district of Hamilton county, Ga.—
has two dau hters living who were born 57
years apart. he eldest was born in 1830 and
the youngest in 1887. There are 21 children in
all. The reverend gentleman is still hale and
hearty.

SEBASTIAN NULLER, a Swiss, recently arriv~
ed in New Haven, is astonishing the Yankees by
his feats of strength. He is 25 years old, 5 feet
8 inches tall, weighs a pound and a half less
than 200, is magnificently developed as to
muscle, and can break a six-inch cobble-stone
with one blow of his fist.

BATTLE MOUNTAIN, Nevada, wants a parson.
The town has 700 Inhabitants, mostly miners,
but. as John Bradshaw. one of the superinten-
dents, says, “ there is just as much Christianity
about them as there IS about other men, and if
the people who are sending missionaries to
China and other outlandish places would only
look a little nearer home it might be more to
their advantage. Now, if some young minister.
who is able to preach a fair sermon, will come
up to Battle Mountain, he will be sure of a first-
class living for some time.”

M. SADI-CARNOT. the new President of the
French Republic, whose name is pronounced as
if it were spelled “Sai'dy Carno,” is 50 years
old. His full name is Marie Francois Sadi-Car-
not, and he is called Sadi—Carnot to distinguish
him from his father, who was somewhat famous
as an author and Oriental scholar. His grand-
father was the Minister of War in the first or
great revolution. SadI-Carnot is a civil engi—
neer of considerable ability and distinction, and
held several oflices before he went into the Na-
tional Assembly. His wife is widely kn0wn
among the English and Americans in Paris.
and is fond of English literature. The salary of
the President is $120,000 with $60,000 for living
expenses, and an official residence furnished by
the State. ‘

ONE of'the biggest lawyers’ fees on record
was that received by Thomas Williams,a ’499r,
of California. He was the attorney of a mining
company at Virginia City, and when the com—
pany was on the verge of bankruptcy he at
tached its property for a claim of $1,500 for pro-
fessional services. The property was sold,and
be bid it in for the amount of the claim. He
held on to it, and years after a representative
of Flood, Mackay 8; O’Brien offered him $100,000
for the property. “ It isn’t for sale,” said the
lawyer. “ I’ll give you $500,000.” “ It isn’t
for sale.” Then the big firm began negotiations,
which resulted in Mr. Williams putting his prop-
erty into the firm and taking out stock In pay-
ment. The stock began to boom, and when it
was at top prices Williams sold out for $6.000,-
000

THEY tell a good story in Chicago of Phil
Armour in connection with his $500,000 mission
chapel. He wanted it to be undenominational
and broadly religious. One day he sent for the
preacher who had charge and said: “ You’re
giving th0se' youngsters too much grape and
canister. Hellfire and brimstone are all right
for the old sinners. but the mission isn’t for
them. Now, I want you to change around and
try another plan. If you don’t, you‘ll drive all
those children away. \Vhen you begin your
service in the morning, you can read a chapter
from the Bible—something short. Then have a
little prayer. something short—not longer than
that,” measuring off about a foot with his fore—
fingers. “ Then I want you to sing—sing a gOod
many times. Then tell a story. something with
.j a point to it and a moral, but short. Then you
}‘ ave another little prayer. but. mind you, no
, longer than that,” holding up his hands about

six inches apart. The minister said he’d try,
and the mission has been run on Armour’s plan
SVPI‘ since, and the seats are all full every Sun-
ay.

 

 

defy telegraph and telephone in catering for the .

 

Wine of the Wits.

CAN’T ALWAYS JUDGE BY APPEARANCES.

Miss BREEZY (of Chicago)—-“Oh, es, young
Mr. VValuIsh is immens ly wealthy, y inheri-
tance. lie was born with a silver spoon in his
month, you know.” >

Miss St-aubgurden (of St. Louis)———“’Was he,
indeed? I should imagine from the way he cats
that he was born with a knife in his mouth.”

TIRESOME.

FIRST SWEET GIRL—“ I understand that
hanc‘smnestranger has been calling on you quite
regularly."

Second Sweet Girl—“ Yes, he's awfully tire-
Some."

First SWeet Girl—“ 'I‘iresome?”

Second SWeet Girl—“ Yes, he don’t do a thing
the whole evening but sit on the extreme end of
the sofa and talk.”

A DIRECT ANS“'ER.

TEACHER—" John, what are your boots made
of ?”

Boy——“ Of leather.”

Teacher—“ Where does the leather come
from?”

Boy— “ From the hide of the ox.”

Teacher-" \Vhat animal, therefore, supplies
you with boots and gives you meat to eat.”

Boy—“ My father."-—Eclipse.

A ’PROGRAMME SPOILED.

FIRST ANARCHIST—“ Vy you not gome mit
dot meeting last night, eh ?”

Second Auarchist—" Dot meeting vat I vas to
speech make at'l’

First Anarchist—“ Yah. Vy you nod gcep
your void und make dot speech vat stir dot
whole country up und make dot American na—
tions tremble :nit fear?"

Second Anarchist—“ Mein wife she go out
calling mit herself und she make me sthay home
und dot baby mind.”—O-maha W’orld.

NO NEED FOR FUTURE INSURANCES.

INSURANCE AGENT—“If you Insure in our
company you will get your money back in your
old age, when you need it. You will have a
good income when you are aged.” -

His Victim—“ I sha’n’t need it. I am sure of
a good income in my old age. My business as—
sures it.”

Insurance Agent—“ Why, what do you do?”,

His Victim-“ I am a magazine writer. I am
not paid for my articles until after their pub-
lication. My old age is all fixed. What I want
is a present income.”~—Puck.

ALWAYS CRIED AT THE PROPER TIME.

AN old g~ ntleman of Detroit was passing
through the ceremony of taking his fourth
wife the other day. At the impressive climax
of the good preacher-man's part in the perform-
ance some one was heard sobbing in an adjoin—
ing room. I

“ My goodness!" exclaimed one of the guests
in a dramatic whisper, “ who on earth is that
crying on this festive occasion i"

“ That?” replied a mischievous member of the
experienced bridegroom’s family. “That’s no-
body but Em. She always boo-boos when pa’s
getting married."

THE HOUR. 0F TEMPTATION.

“ YOU can trust me now,” said the penitent,
resolutely, “ I wouldn‘t tell a lie to save my
life.”

“ But can you trust yourself i” asked the pas—
tor. anxiously: “ a habit of exaggeration and
prevarication is——”

“I can tell the truth without a struggle,” in-
sisted the reformed man, “ the season is about
over, and besides, some hound got into the store
last night and stole my trout—rod; the prettiest
thing you ever whipped a. brook with; weighed
41/2 ounces, and in 1879 I landed asea bass with it
that weighed—”

But the minister had lighted a candle and gone
away to get his bell and book.

SHE WILL MAKE AN ABLE PARTNER.

“ Tom, I hear that you are engaged to Miss
Spidder.”

u Yes-7‘,

“ But you do not intend to marry her?"

“ Why not?"

“ Is it possible that you have not heard .7"

“ Heard what?"

“That she has, at different times, sued five
men for breaches of promise?”

" Yes, I heard that. ”

“ And still you intend to marry her?”

“Of course. She won all the suits, and as I
am a lawyer I cannot help but admire her skill.
She will make me an able partner, old boy, and
business is so slow with me that I cannot afford
to let such an opportunity slip through my flu—
gers.”——Lon don Exchange.

JOHNNY‘s COMPOSITION.

GOOSES are the biggest birds knone to the hu-
man eye, and the he one is a gander. The gan-
der is the monark of the air, but the rooster
can lick him, cos the rooster he is brave like
General Solomon, but the gander, iseut fighty.
more like preachers. The gOos is a sailor, but
not a wicked one like Jack Brily, wich chews
tobacko, and swears, and evry thing, and it has
got lethers between its toes for to wolk the wot-
ter liek a thing of life. Ducks thay are sellers
too, but the swon has got a long neck like a gi-
raft, and wen it has got asore throte it is mighty
sick. The little gooses is goslums and is green.
My sister, she see a goslum and the ast Uncle
Ned wot made it green, and he said. Uncle Ned
did, that it was cos it wasent ripe. Then Billy,
he spoke up and said wen it was ripe it would be
picked.—-San Francisco Examiner.

SAM JONES BELATES A FISH STORY.

“ I TELL you, brethren, I am a good friend of
the Baptists. I love the Baptists, and have
some good solid friends among them, but I’ll
tell you an incident, not as a joke on the Bap-

 

tists, but as an illustration of what 1 want to
SI]

ZSome fellows were fishing in Maine a few
months ago, and they all went fishing daily;
When they got to the waters they were fishing
in they caught, among others, a ver curious
fi ‘ It was the strangest—looking fis any of
the men in the crowd ever saw. One looked at
it, and another looked at it, and they discussed
it a good deal, and then turned to an old Maine
man and asked him:

“ ‘ What sort of a fish is this, stranger?’

“ ‘ Well,’ he said, ‘ I don’t know the real name
of the creature. ‘ but we always call it the Bap-
tist fish.’

“ ‘ Why? What do you call it the Baptist fish

for?’

“ ‘ Well.’ he says, ‘don’t you know it’s be-
cause they spoil so soon after you take them out
of the water.’"—Te.ras S‘iftings.

EXPECTED A LIFE OF LUXURY.

A DEARBORN farmer was trying to hire some
of the numerous loafers around the Central
Market to go out to his lace and husk corn.
and lie finally found one w 0 had interest enough

as .

“ “'th wages?"

“ I’ll give you two dollars a week and board."

“ Is the corn in the barn or out in the field?”

“Out in the field—but I’ll set up a tent and
stove’and lay down a new Brussels carpet for
vou.

" Do you have pie and pudding every meal ?”

“Oh. yes.”

“ Can I sleep in the parlor bedroom?”

“ Certainly."

“ Any cider to drink?”

“ Plenty of it. Will you come!"

“ Y-e-s, I guess so. Say, how fpr is it to
church l"

“ Three miles. but I’ll take you in the buggy.”

" NO, you won’t! That settles it! I’ve got a

lame back and it hurts me to ride. I’ve got to ,

be where I can find a church by walking a
couple of blocks. Might hand me ten cents for
Sonsuming my valuable time.”-aDefrmf Free
’rcss.

Correspondents’ Column.

[This column is op n to all correspondents. Iii-
qulries answered as fully and as p omp'ly as cir-
cumstances will permit. Contributions not entered
as "declined" may be considered accepted. No
MSS. returned unless stamps are inclosed.l

Declined: “ A House-mp Sermonz” “A New Kind
of Dudez" “The Klamath‘s Secret;" “Earning a
Wife;" “M.jor Buster‘s Great Campai n;" “A
Ver Poet Investment ;" “ Hua Much; ‘ ‘ he Fall-
Ml Star;” "Christmas Bells;' "A Saddei- Sight
than Death:" “The Ovrrflow of the P0cket;"
"About Habi's;” “A New Kind of Snow;” " The
Pards of Pink-a-wink.”

CHARLPS F. H. We have not heard that Dr. Carv-
er‘s eyesight is impaired.

GEORGE B. edo not publish bound books, nor
can the stories you name 3 got in that shape.

L. L. E. A box of good water-colors can be had
for one dollar and a half. it is a real art to proper-
ly color engravings.

A. M. This Government has no agent to look up
estates-succession in England. Let some good law-
yer advise you how to proceed.

D. D. R. Can hardly answor as to the “proprie-
ties of courtshi ." There 09 taiuly are no ?Illtb‘ to
regulate that de mate and delightful proceeding.

PEDAGOGI'E. The whole series of Readers cost
$3 20; and would afford the publisher 9. Mg profit at
one-third less. The price charged for school-books
is simply extortion.

lsAAcs IN THE LANE. We cannot give you a list of
the migratory birds. Almost all our summer birds
are migratory. Crows. Lawks. owls and bluejays
you how. with you the year through.

MONTANA. You are the right kind of person to go
West— unincumbered. in good health and ready to
work. As to Montana. it is a very wild and rather
remgte region, yet one quite favorable to the
wor er.

ALLEY M. “ What is required mentally and physi
cally of cad- ts u on entering West Point Academ "
is c oce. apphca ion to study and unquestion ng
obedience to discipline. Of course the applicant
must pass the required examination in the English
primary studies and be physically up to standard.

T. ’l‘. G. If the Presidrnt should die, the Secre-
tary of State would take his place,provided that
official is a native-born citizen. This is the order
or succession under the law of last winter.—1‘here
is now no ‘ disability ” against any ex-secessionist
or Confe lerate which would prevent his nomination
for the Presidency.

L. M. It is not necessary to :end s'amp for an-
swer to friendly letter.—The best way to succeed is
not to be deterred by discouragenients.— I‘he dia—
mond drill does use real diamoncs on the drill head.
——Brokers and bankers are usuallv honorable men,
and if the Vent rehas been. thusfar, to youradvan-
tare, let them have their way. ,

CAPTAIN WIs'rAn. Never saw the poem.—As to
pronunciation of the r rench words, go to some

r+-nch-Engli=h dictionary. Have no space in this
column to teach French pronunciation. - lt is quite

roper for the young lad to receive the attentions
if her parents appi0ve. f she is “ old for her age ”
it is her right to think of matrimony.

STAR L. The “essay " is not above the ordinary
scnoul-girl composition in originalin or suggestive-
ness An essay to be worthy of print ought to make
excl ller-i “ points " in a piquant or impressive way.
“’r really have very few good writers of that species
of literature. It is. indeed, a ~11 coal talent. Judg-
ing by “Rainy Days,” we should say you have not
that talent.

HENRIETTA. It is not necessary to throw away
silk neck-ties or neckerchiefs when they are soiled.
They can be'renovatcd by being washed in rain wa-
ter. to which a spoonful of white honey and one of
hartshorn has be. I] added. Rinse them well, but do
not squeeze them and hang them up to drip. When
damp. press them with a hot iron between folds of
thin cloth.

R. E. A. You Certainly are mistaken. 1' costs
twice as much now to bye in Paris as In America in
the same style. Formerly it cost double Paris prices
in America. There IS nothing now cheaperin France
except apparel. and only parts of ihat. The idea of
gonna abroad to find “c eap living," is like leaving
a carriage to ride in a cart. It may be cheaper, but
see what you get.

Mas. H. 11.. Brooklyn, asks for advice in cases of
poisoning. Stir into a glass of water a heaping tea-
spoonful each of salt and mustard and drink im-
mediately. One or more doses will empty and
cleanse the stomach. To overcome the e cots.
swallow the Whites of two or three eggs and drink a
cup or two of strong coffee. Sweet oil taken freely,
is also an excellent remedy.

FRANKLIN LADY. Where aversion exists it seems
absurd to talk of “learning to love ” Make no such
experiments. If you cannot follow out your own
inclinations. and have your own taste consulted in
your associations, you need not, for that reason,
abandon your right to sav no to what is distasteful.
“ Authority " oversteps all bounds of common sense
when it tries to camp: the aflections.

MRS CLARA. Can‘t say as to the origin of the ex-
pression "Down East." Bartlett has it in his list,
but offers no information on the subject which is
not already in the possession of every person who
usesthe phrase. Probably like the word “ Yankee "
it grew. In New England down East means u in
Maine. while in the rest of the ,Union down st
means all New England—Yankee land.

Miss LOUISE F. To make the skin soft and white
take a fresh cocoanut and grate the "meat;“ lace
that in a thin cloth and ex less the milk. ash
the face and hands thorough y with th» liquid, rub-
hing into the skin as much as pos-ible. the more
rubbing the better. Wipe with a soft cloth. The
effect on the skin is both delightful and beneficial——
making the cuticle both soft and rosy-hued.

H. A. J. Yes the word cmren was used in the
story by Major St. llon It is not in any of our
English dictionaries, yet is a good and c rrrecl word.
It first a onears in the Schaw MS.. a Scotch record
dated 1598. Jamieson's S:ottlsh Dictionary defines
the word thus: " A form ofcontempt; 1. e. . applied
to one who does the Work of a mason but has not
been rezularlv bred to it' one unacquainted with
the secrets of Free Masonry.” In “ Rob Roy " the
word is used as an expression of contempt. v

ELLA ‘VINGE. It is scarcely safe to give you ad-
vice. If you wrote the gentlemana note and he
never acknowledged it, you are certainly correct
in regarding it a breach of etiquette due ’ou, and
you may show him you so regard it by tax" in: to re-
cognize him in tte future, or until he (ffers an ex
planation; but are you positive he received your
note? If he has heretofore shown himself so gentle-
msnly and fond of your society. do you not think
{heregmay be some eXplainahle cause for his Sl-
ence.

G. S. K. The proper time for ylng calls during
the day is from twelve II. to t can. Twenty
minu'es are quite enough to spend at one place;
and half an hour should be the ve utmost limit.
If another caller enters, you shou d hasten your
departure, and there is no rule of etiquette that
requires your hostess to introduce you to the
new comer, unless you express a desire for such
an introduction. balls should not be made after
nine P. 11.. and an evening call should not exceed
an hour in duration.

STYLE. At a fashionable evening entertainment.
now the refreshments must not be confined to the
supperoroom. Convenient to all the dressing—rooms.
up-stairs, is a table provided with cakes, sandwiches,
tea and claret punch, that the guests may refresh
themselves either at entering or leaving the house.
And a very newbie innovation it is. It is fashion-
able fora mothel:nd those of her daughters who
are in society to ve their names engraved. one un-
der the other. upon the same card. Also, the card
of a gentleman and his wife may bear the name of
a daughter.

ESTHER HARRIS inquires: ” What will remove
freckles and tan frOm the face without injury tothe
skin?” There is a finely-prepared liquid glycerine
snld in [me bottles by diugzists called “Pearl
Gly oerine ” that improves the face. without injuring
the skin. if you use it faithfully, following the
, directions accompanying. Equal parts of rosewo-
ter and glycerine mixed and rubbed upon the face
before retiring, and washed off in the morning, is
excellent forfunbnm, tan and freckles. A trifle of
powdered Inner. applied night and morning to
freckles, With a linen rag moistened with glycerine
, remOvesthsm.

MAI-IE AND B. Full-dress may be hi h-neck and

 

 

 

 

 

 

long sleevesin somecircles. but it oer nly is not in
, what is recognized as " our best society,” except in
the case of eldrrly women. Young women who
would go in societv must abide by what is " style ”
in their dress—It is proper to go to theater in full-
dress if vou have a box or dress circle seat. but not
. if you take the. parquette chairs—If one of on
“wishes to partici to in the society Of the oi er
l With lier particq ar friend,indicate a wish for the
; acquaintance— being sure, of course. that the ac-
; quaintance will be welcome—A little “club of
‘ croniee " is very advantageous and pleasantwhere
l tastes and wishes harmonize. and you can vis tback
and forth unrestrainedly. Such a bevy of friends
oughr not,h0wever, to exceed more than four or
five in number; more would be apt to render the in-
timacv less complete and interests IPSSllDitf‘d. Call
it “The Crony Club ” and if you are happy in the
7 choice of members it will greatly contribute to your
f social enjoyment.

 

 

 

. - or ...._.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

whm,