epee, DIALOGUES, No. 7. NEW YORK, BEADLE AND COMPANY, 98 WILLIAM 8T, Am, News Oo,, 119 & 121 Nassau 8t., N.Y. | se le BHADLEH’S DIME Standard Popular Hand-Books BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. For Ladies and Gentlemen; being a Guide to True Gentility and Good-Breeding, and a Complete Directory to the Usages and Observances of Society. Including Entrance into Society, Visits, Introductions, Evening Parties, Conversation, Enter- tainments, etc. LADIES’ LETTER-WRITER. Giving not only all the various forms of Letters of Childhood and School Days; of Love and Friendship; of Society; of Business, etc. ; but chapters on the a7ét of correspondence, on punctuation, etc., which constitute an invaluable feature. GENTS’ LETTER-WRITER. Embracing Forms, Models, Suggestions and Rules for the use of all classes on all occasions ; also a List of Improper Words and Expressions, together with their correct forms, And also a Complete Dictionary of Mottoes, Phrases, Idioms, etc. By Louis Lea@RanpD, M. D. LOVER’S CASKET. A Treatise on and Guide to Friendship, Love, Courtship and Marriage. Embra- cing also a complete Floral Dictionary; the Language of the Handkerchief; the Language of the Fan; the Language of the Cane; the Language of the Finger Ring, ete BOOK OF VERSES. Comprising Verses for Albums; Mottoes and Couplets; St. Valentine Verses ; Bridal and Marriage Verses; Verses on Births and Infancy; Verses to send with Flowers; Verses of Love and Affection; Holiday Verses; Birthday Verses, etc. FORTUNE-TELLER, Comprising the art of Fortune-Telling by Cards; How to tell a Person’s Charac- ter by means of Cabalistic Calculations; Palmistry, or'lelling Fortunes by the Lines of the Hands; Fortune-Telling by the Grounds in a Tea or Coffee Cup ; How to Read your Fortune by the White of an Egg; Dreams and their Interpretation, etc. COOK BOOK. Or the Housewife’s Pocket Companion. Embodying what is most Economic, most Practical, most Excellent. By Mus, M, V. VIcToR, RECIPE BOOK, A Companion to the Dime Cook Book, A Directory for the Parlor, Nursery, Sick Room, Toilet, Kitchen, Larder, etc, By Mrs. M. V. VicrTor. HOUSEWIFE’S MANUAL, Or, How to Keep House and Order a Home ; How to Dye, Cleanse and Renovate How to Cut, Fit, and Make Garments ; How to Cultivate Plants and Flowers ; How to Care for Birds and Household Pets, etc. By Mrs, M, V. Victor. FAMILY PHYSICIAN. And Manual for the Sick Room. With Family Diseases and their Treatment, gi on Nursing and Rearing, Children’s Complaints, Physiological Facts, Rules of Health, Recipes for preparing well-known Curatives, etc. For sale by all Newsdealers and Booksellers ; or will be sent singly or in pack- ages by mail, os/-paid, on receipt of price—LzN CENTS each, BEADLE AND COMPANY, Publishers, 98 William &t., N. Y. BEADLPE’S DIME DIALOGUHS, No. 7: A FRESH COLLECTION OF ORIGINAL AND ADAPTED COLLOQUIES, MINOR DRAMAS, BURLESQUES, }F Tu, ¥OR SCHOOLS, EXHIBITIONS, PARLORS, ETC. NEW YORK: BEADLE AND COMPANY, PUBLISHERS, 98 WILLIAM STREET, PUBLISHERS’ Notr.—The publishers feel great satisfaction in p senting this work to scholars and teachers, The very general a probation extended to the previous issues of their school series h, encouraged them to spare no effort to render this volume equal, not superior, to the previous issues They have again to repea As this series of works contains some of the best school and pa lor pieces yet introduced to the public, it is their wish that ti several pieces contained herein shall be found in the Dim Du. LOGUEs No. 7 exclusively. Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1868, by BEADLE AND COMPANY, = In the Clerk’s Office of the District Court of the United States for th; Southern District of New York. CONTENTS. PAGE, Taz Two Bracars. A Minor Drama. For fourteen females. By Marian Douglass, - - - = - «-#© + - Tur Earta-Cuicp in Farry Lanp. A Fairy-Land Court Scene. For numerous girls. By Mrs. Victor, - - - -— = Twenty Years Henow. A Serio-Comical Passage. For two fe- males and one male. Adapted from ‘‘ The Coming Woman,” Tue Way To WinpHAM. A ser For two males. By Asa Tennet, - - - - - - - Woman. A Poetic Passage at Words, For two boys, - = - THE ’OLocizs. A Colloquy. For two males. Adapted from the *“Rural New: Yorker,” so eo 6 is SP Se How To Ger Ri or A Borz. A School Drama. For several boys. Adapted from the ‘‘ Educational Monthly,” - - Boarpine-Scnoot ACCOMPLISHMENTS. A School Drama, For two males and two females. By Asa Tennet, ie a bayatieid A PLEA ror THE Pieper. A Colloquy. Fortwo males, - Tue Its or DraM-Drinxina. A Colloquy. For three boys, - TRvE Priwz. AColloquy. Fortwo females. By Clara Dennis, Tue Two Lecturmrs. A — For numerous males. Adapted, - - - . Two Views or Lirr. A eden: For tw females. By Dr. Legtiind, the bedside with the tears in your eyes. Prerer. Yes, sir; and she axed me, “Peter, will you be true to me, and ‘put this coffin round your finger when they lay me in the ring ?” Bracu. Put this ring.around your finger when tkey lay me in the coffin. i Peter. Yes, sir; and—-and—here it is (showing a huge ring on his finger); and she said, said she, “ Peter, this world is all a running show.” Breacw. A’ fleeting show. Perer. Yes, sir, something» fast; and: she. says, “ Peter, remember that when the pewter bowl is broken— Bracw. The golden bowl.is brokeny Peter. Yes, sir; “remember when the golden .pewter is broken that—that—boo-hoo-hoo, (howls) that it can’t-be com- posed— Beacu. Can’t be restored. Prerer. Yes, sir; can’t be destroyed; and so they took me out, anc. laid me across the fence to air— Bracu. Across the fence to air? Prerer. Yes, sir; to let the sweet breath from the wood- pile blow through my dishoveled dresses— Beracn. Your disheveled tresses. PETER. Yes, sir, my dishoveled. stresses; and when I come to myself she’ was dead, and sol am disconsolable—sick in the gizzard—can’t eat any thing but strong coffee, nor drink any thing but cabbage and corn beef. Boo-hoo-hoo! I shall go to the cementery and— Bracw. To the cemetery. Peter. Yes, to the century, and sit there like Patience on a brick-kiln smiling at beef. Brack. Patience on a tomb-stone smiling at Grief. Prrrer. ‘Yes, a tomb-stone.. What’ll one cost ? Beacu. One of marble will cost about. thirty dollars. Perer. Thirty dollars! So much ? Bracu, Not less. Peter. (Brightening up.) Can’t afford it. Ill jistlet Sue slide, and go in for another gaksvhat won't want any.tomb- stone. Thirty dollars! Iguess I ain’t sick any more: (Heeunt.) HAMLET AND THE GHOST. HAMLET AND THE GHOST.* FOR TWO PERSONS. Enter HaMunr, dressed as a full-blown Yankee. Enter Guost Srom opposite.) Guost. Iam thy father’s spirit— Hamer. Yeou don’t say so! Why, old man, give us your flipper. How de dew? When’d ye come deown? Hamlet is mighty glad to see his relations when they don’t want to go to the theater too much, and stay out nights raisin’ the very— Guost. Doomed for a certain term to walk the night— Hamurt. Why on airth don’t you take the hoss-cars, and ride ? or do they quit too airly for ye? Where do you hang out in the daytime? Guost.. And for the day confined to fast in fires— Hamurr. Abeout how fast are you, old man? Tew-forty ? Guosr. ‘Till the foul crimes done in my days of nature are burnt and purged away. Hamuer. Are you purging bad? Here's a little cholera medicine. (Produces a bottle of stuff.) Provided gratuitously by the Board of Health, sir, and it’s mighty s’archin’ I tell yeou ! Guosr. But that I am forbid to tell the secrets of my prison-house, I could a tale unfold— HAMLET. Don’t unfold it here; not if it is one of them tales to be-continued in the New York. Ledger. — Yer see I writes for that institution at fourteen dollars a page, and yits my pay in Bonner’s old hats and boots ;, so don’t yeou inter fere thar / ; ‘ Guost.’ Whose lightest word would harrow up thy soul— Hamuxt. © Fetch on your harrar. Guost. Freeze thy young blood— HamuetT, Git aout! yeou ’tarnal old refrigerator ! Guost: » Make: thy..two eyes, like stars; start from their spheres— Hamer. Dew tell.» You couldn’t: say abeout what time they’d start ? * This: most ridiculous travestie can be made to * shake the walls” if well given. The ghost, may be.a female. If. the sage lights could be darkened, so as to imitate or indicate night, it would add to the effect 88 THE DIME DIALOGUES: Guost. Thy knotted and combined locks to, part-— Hamiut. I’ve parted with abeout all on ’em neow, ’'spe- cially on the top of my head. Guost. And each particular hair to’ stand on end, like quills upon the fretful porcupine. Hamer. Neow, look a here, old poppy, don’t fret. your darned old: porcupine over me, I'll fight fust. ~ No: porky pine for me, if you please. Gnost. But this eternal blazon must not be to ears of flesh and blood. List, list, oh, list! Hamurt. Yeou be gol-darned. Didn’t I ’Wést-in Jonas Peabody’s Hum Guards when yeou fled into Canada, takin’ yeour draft with ye? Better go and ’list yeourself, you’tarnal old. critter, ’stead of prowlin’ round nights; disturbin’ your blood relations. Git eout. (Heit Hamurt, greatly enraged against his “ parink” for urging him to “*list.”) LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD. LITTLE MARY AND HER GRANDMOTHER, (Enter both, speaking.) Mary. She was, indeed, a pretty little creature— So meek, so modest. What a pity, madam, That one so young and innocent should fall a prey to the ravenous wolf! GRANDMOTHER. The wolf, indeed ! You've left the nursery to but little purpose, If you believe a wolf could ever speak, Though in the time of sop, or before. Mary. Was’t nota wolf, then? Ihaye read the story A hundred times, and heard it told :—nay, told it Myself to my younger sisters, when we've shrunk Together in the sheets, from very terror, And, with protecting arms each round the other, F’en sobbed ourselves to sleep. But, I remember, ce LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD. I saw the story acted on the stage: And so it was a robber, not a wolf, That met poor Little Riding Hood in the wood ? GnanpMorHER. Nor wolf, nor robber, child. This. nursery tale Contains a hidden moral. Many. Hidden! . Nay, I’m not so young, but I can spell it out, And this it is: Children, when sent on errands, Must never stop by the way to talk with wolves. GRANDMOTHER. Tut! wolves again? Wilt listen to me, child ? Mary. Say on, dear grandma. GRANDMOTHER. Thus, then, dear my daughter, In this young person, culling idle flowers, You see the peril that attends the maiden Who, in her walk through life, yields to temptation, And quits the onward path to stray aside, Allured by gaudy weeds, . Mary. Nay, none but children Could gather buttercups and Mayweed, mother. But violets, dear violets—methinks I could live ever on a bank of violets, Or die most happy there. GRANDMOTHER, You die, indeed ! At your years die! But we neglect our lecture Upon this picture. Mary. Poor Red Riding Hood ! We had forgotten her: yet mark, dear madam, How patiently the poor thing waits our leisure. And now the hidden moral. GRANDMOTHER. Thus it is; Mere children read such stories literally, But the more elderly and wise deduce A moral from the fiction, In a word, The wolf that you must guard against is love, Mary. I thought Love was an infant. GranpMoTHER. The world and love were young together, child, And innocent. Alas! time changes all things. 90 THE DIME DIALOGUES. j Mary. True, I remember, Love is now a man, And, the song says, “a very saucy one,’— But how a wolf? GRANDMOTHER. In ravenous appetite, Unpitying and unsparing, Passion is oft A beast of prey. As the wolf to the lamb, Is he to innocence. Many. I shall remember, For now I see the moral. Trust me, madam, Should I e’er meet this wolf, Love, in my way, Be he a boy or man, I'll take good heed, And hold no converse with him. GRANDMOTHER. You'll do wisely. a Mary. Nor e’en in field or forest, plain or pathway, | Shall he from me know whither I am going, Or whisper that he’ll meet me. GRANDMOTHER. That’s my child ! Mary. - Nor in my grandam’s cottage, nor elsewhere, Will T’e’er lift the latch for him myself, Or bid him pull the bobbin. GRANDMOTHER. Well, my dear, oe You've learned your lesson. Mary. Yet one thing, grandmamma, “ Somewhat perplexes me. GRANDMOTHER. Say what, my love; I will explain. Mary. This wolf, the story goes, Deceived poor grandam first, and ate her up: What is the moral here? . Have all our grandams oa Been devoured by Love ? GRANDMOTHER. Let us go in; The air grows cool—you are a forward chit. , (Haeunt.) A NEW APPLICATION OF AN OLD RULE. 91 A NEW APPLICATION OF AN OLD RULE. FOR TWO BOYS AND A LITTLE GIRL. (Enter GEorGE, with shot-gun in hand, game-bag, etc.) Grorex. Not a very good day’s sport. For six hours or more have I tramped over hills and through ‘hollows, and have succeeded in killing this; (produces small dead bird from bag)—not enough for a cup of soup. I wonder where all the birds have gone to? (Zinter JAmEs.) James. Ah, back again, George? What luck? Gro. ‘Only this and nothing more. Jas, Let me see. You have now spent three days of this week gunning, and have. killed, I believe, three quail, one rabbit, and an owl. Gro. And this. (Holding out bird.) Jas. And that—a wren. Three whole days of weary tramping, of torn clothes, wet feet, wasting about two dollars’ worth of ammunition, and for what ? Gro. Why, for sport, of course! Jas. Sport! Indeed? Have you enjoyed it then ? Gro. Well, can’t say I have, seeing I have had such poor luck, Somebody has killed most all the game. Jas. And you would assist that somebody to complete the murder of birds and small animals until not one remains, and the woods and fields areas silent as a desert ? Gro!’ Pd have my day’s sport, now and then. wa Jas! ‘Sport, eh? I suppose, then, when the birds are all gone, you'll assert your right to invade barnyards, and shoot all the fowls there; for, you see, you must do as others.do— must go” gunning, and have *he® sport*of) killing helpless hings. : $ Gro: Oh pshaw! don’t talk-nonsense. Are not: birds to be shot’? Jas. The world, apparently, has ‘said yes, and “the result is that all the beautiful denizens of the fields and forests which God made for useful purposes, as wellas for their native right to life, are’ being so rapidly destroyed that even» George: the hunter is ovly able to find one poor wren in a whole day’s search | 92 THE DIMB, DIALOGUES. Gro. Well, and what of it? Jas. This: that you, and all like you who assume a right to kill the birds and small animals, are doing asad and wicked work, Already have you driven away every thing like“ game,” and, in a few years more, even the robins.and larks must, per- ish before your ruthless and useless slaughter. You and others like-you are doing a work for which you will be ashamed if you ever learn the truth that God gave birds,a right to life. Only when they are needed for the sustenance of man, has he a right to kill them for food; to kill them for “sport,” as you call it, is downright bird-slaughter, which, like manslaughter, should be punished—if not by.imprisonment, at least by heavy fines and penalties, That is justice, in the Christian sense of the word at at least. (Enter ELstE.) Exstze. Olréear! oh dear! It's gone—killed—eaten up! Oh dear! oh dear! (Wringing her hands.) Gro. What is it, Elsie? |What's gone? Exsrze. My dear, dear bird—my canary that, you gave me. Gro. . You don’t say so! _ Now I’m mad. Jas. What killed it, Elsie ? Ess. The cat! Q@xo, Confound that cat—TlL shoot her! Jas. For what? Gro. Why, for killing the bird. Jas, For killing one, bird? . What should be done with you, who have killed many: birds——all. as beautiful and useful as the canary? Geo. Why, Tm nota cat ? Jas. No, but even-more. responsible than a cat, which. is totally governed byits passions, and kills a bird to devour at—- not for sport. The cat, indeed, should not be punished tor such an act any more than a crazy man should be punished for murder ; in both cases, both. creatures are irresponsible But, you are not; You are in- your right) mind, and: are. not excusable when you do a: cruel. deed. Guo. Well, this is applying. things pretty closely. Jas. It, is: simply calling things by their right. names, Here, Elsie, is what George has spent a whole day to accom- rage oe A NEW APPLICATION OF AN OLD RULE. 98 plish. (Giving her the dead wren.) What shall we do with him for murdering it? Etsm. Naughty, naughty George! And you killed this sweet, pretty bird?) TP’ll not\speak to you again for a week. You and kitty are. uvo. bird-murderers, and Pll.